How NOT to get a date

Last night I went with my friend Lauren to see one of her friend's bands play. I had been in Larryville all day helping Meghann pack up her apartment. It was 96 degrees or so, I had been running up and down stairs all day, and was just altogether gross and tired. Needless to say, I wasn't feeling too hot. I had to go directly from Lawrence to the show, so there was no time to change.

So I pick Lauren up, and we head to the bar. We walk in as the band is starting and there are about 15 people there. I sit down at a table while Lauren goes to talk to some people she recognizes. As I'm sitting at the table, I look to my right, and as I turn back towards facing straight ahead, I realize that someone is standing at my table right next to me. I jump a little, because I wasn't expecting it. The guy laughs and says he didn't mean to scare me. I said it was okay. Then he starts talking to me. (not my type, by the way.) Fault #1: He's smoking, and because of the way the air is flowing, it is blowing directly into my face. I keep moving, rather dramatically, to get away from it, and after about a minute or so, he catches on and moves his cigarette. Fault #2: He is a close-talker. For those of you who don't know, close-talkers are those who get right in your face, uncomfortably close, when talking to you. I don't think anyone likes a close-talker. And seriously, the music wasn't that loud. And if it is, I don't want you talking directly into my face; talk into MY EAR. While doing the close-talking, I realized fault #3: Halitosis. Seriously. If you're going to be talking inches from my face, especially if you're trying to impress me, PUT IN A MINT BEFORE APPROACHING.

Obviously, things were not going well for this poor chap. He was kind of nice, I will give him that. But "kind of nice" is not going to cut it. At this point Lauren realizes what's been going on and comes over. He goes to get another PBR and she says, "I'm going to stand really close so that he can't stand there anymore." This was a good plan, but it left my right side open. I can actually handle that. I have no problem turning my back on someone and completely ignoring them. In a polite way, of course. Unfortunately, the skinny bastard didn't get the clue, because when he came back, he squeezed his way back in between us! Some of you may be saying, "Jennifer, that's a fault!" but, I give him credit for his persistence. I mean, I can see myself doing something like that. (Although usually I'm welcome to squeeze in between people.) Okay, fault #4: after his squeezing back in, he was doing more small talk and said, "So, do you live with Jennifer?" (he was talking about Lauren) I said, "I am Jennifer. Her name is Lauren." He then proceeded to get really apologetic about it. I told him not to worry about it, that it happens, but seriously. If you think you like someone, and you are planning on asking them out, do your best to REMEMBER THEIR NAME.

Hmmm, so let's see. Lauren (after checking with me, like any good friend would do) left me alone with him again, and I knew what was coming. He instantly leans on the table, does his bad-breath-close-talking and says, "So, I think we should hang out." Before being able to stop myself I said, "You do?" and he said yes. I said, "Well, I'm not dating right now." And he said, "Well, we could still go out." And I said, "I'm leaving the country, so I'm not dating right now." As I'm sure you can all tell, I'm trying (kind of) to be nice about rejecting him. But he does not stop. Fault #5 comes during this conversation: he says, "Well, I'm not looking for a serious relationship." (As if I had suggested that I had wanted one.)

Okay, here is why I believe this is a fault. I have absolutely no problem with people not wanting to be serious. But, in this situation, it was as if he had blatantly said, "I really just want to see if I'm going to get any action from you." Not okay to admit right away. I mean, who, when meeting someone at a bar and possibly exchanging numbers, thinks, "This guy seems nice. Let's go straight from not knowing each other, to having a serious relationship!" In addition, I had said, "I'm not dating right now." In my book, and I believe most of my friend's books, dating does not mean serious relationship. It means, going out every once in awhile, but possibly with multiple people, and definitely not anything exclusive. Therefore, his response was completely wrong for what I had been saying.

Finally, Lauren comes back. And he goes to drink his sorrows away. But we're not done with his faults yet! A little while later, he comes over to talk to some friends. During their conversation, of which I'm obviously within earshot, I hear them talking about boners. Fault #6. Without a doubt. Guys, here is a bit of advice for you: DON'T TALK ABOUT BONERS WITH YOUR FRIENDS IN FRONT OF A GIRL YOU JUST MET, WHO YOU ALSO WANT TO IMPRESS. Granted, at this point, I think he'd figured out that I wasn't going to go out with him, so maybe he didn't care.

I think that was about it. But wow. Come on. This may turn into my own version of What Not To Wear. But with guys. And dating.

You do the crossword too!

One of my all-time favorite movies is Kicking and Screaming. My wonderful brother and sister-in-law bought me the DVD for Christmas. Before that, I had been watching a tape that Jonathon had copied a long time ago. If I remember correctly, the lighting and sound on it keeps fading in and out. I believe it was a way to deter people from copying tapes. It didn't work for us, of course.

Anyway, Kicking and Screaming is a very quotable movie. I find myself quoting it pretty close to a daily basis. Luckily, most of my friends have seen it and understand what I'm saying. (If you get my meaning.) Of course, there are the times when I'll offer to pay a friend for a boring story I've just told, realize they haven't seen the movie, and then explain to them why I'm offering to pay. I usually just end up saying, "You just have to see the movie."

Recently, I've been doing the New York Times crossword. I did the crossword a lot in college, usually during a really boring class. For awhile I stopped, and then when I worked at the salon in Denver, I was bored for most of the day and would do the crossword online. Anyway, here in KC the paper is delivered every day, so I actually get my pen out and do it. I was having a tougher time with one recently, and was stuck on the one section. There was one that I thought I should know. It was 4 letters, and the clue was "Gutter Site". I couldn't get it for the longest time. I must have been thinking too hard about it. Then, I got one of the words perpendicular to it, which gave me the 3rd letter of the answer to "Gutter Site": "V". The instant I saw that, I knew what the answer was. Of course, this was thanks to my many, many viewings of Kicking and Screaming.

There is one scene where Max and Kate are on their first date. It's the end of the date and Max and Kate are standing on the sidewalk, in front of her door. Things seem fairly awkward, like neither of them know what to do next, or even if they want to do anything next. Then Max says, "You've got nice eaves." Kate, looking elated and shocked, says, "You do the crossword too!" This was all they needed, because then they both loosened up and made out.

Needless to say, the word I was looking for in my crossword was "eave". It made me so happy. This is the first time I have ever actually had that in any of my crosswords. To top it off, Sunday's crossword had it again. Only this time, the clue was "Places where leaves gather". I instantly knew, thanks to my love of Kicking and Screaming.

I like Lenexa

Here in KC, people who are proud of the area they are from like to put stickers on their cars proclaiming which area that is. For example people from Brookside have "BKS" stickers on their cars. I've always thought it was a little weird, but never really cared too much.

Well, the other day, I was driving home from a coffee shop that I've been frequenting in Lenexa. I pulled up behind this tan Toyota Camry and waited for the light to change. As I was sitting there, I couldn't help but notice this big, red bumper sticker. It was placed, of course, on the bumper. The lower, right hand corner. This was the only bumper sticker on the car, so it was very prominent. Also, it was not even close to level. It was like someone had taken the backing off of the sticker, closed their eyes, and just smacked it right onto the bumper, leaving it where it landed. In this case, at a severe angle. The wording on the sticker?:

"I LIKE LENEXA"

It was perfect. Kind of like a big "F You" to everyone from Brookside.

The Kill Point

Everyone must watch the new show on Spike TV called "The Kill Point". It premiered this past Sunday. The reason everyone must watch this is because a friend from Ohio is in it!

Her name is Laurel Johnson, and she plays the wife of Donnie Wahlberg's character. Yes, she is the wife of a former New Kids on the Block member. Well, kind of. But man am I jealous. I would have given anything to have been a girlfriend of one of the NKOTB, let alone a wife!

A quick background of how we know the Johnsons. Mom and Amy (Laurel's mom) met in lamaze class when Mom was pregnant with Jonathon and Amy with Laurel. A few years later Simon was born (Laurel's brother) and then I came. We have been friends since age 0. Simon sent this email out giving all the info about the show: (Hopefully you're okay with this, Simon...)


"Premiering this Sunday, July 22 at 9 PM (EST), The Kill Point, on SpikeTV.

My sister, Laurel Johnson, plays the wife of the character played by Donnie Walhberg.

Her episodes air on August 12 and August 26, but feel free to watch the entire series to know what is going on.

Now that I've finished my sister's dirty work, all y'all can go on enjoying your day!

Thanks,

Simon"


So, everyone watch!

Crazy Punjabis

Jonathon was in town this weekend for his friend Ashish's engagement party. I ended up meeting up with the whole crew at the Levee. The group included: Me, Jonathon, Shaun, Lisa, Ashish, his fiance, his brother Neil, and about 15 other Indians. After a few hours at the Levee, we decided, at the insistence of Julia (one of Ashish's friends), that it was time for Joe's Pizza in Westport. So, we started the process of gathering a caravan and working our way to Westport.

40 minutes and a 1/2 mile later, the caravan arrived at the Blockbuster parking lot. It was close to closing time, so there was no time to mess around. Everyone (at this point Jonathon and I were the only whiteys) got out of the cars, and Jonathon and I started walking. The parking lot was around the corner from where we needed to be going, so Jonathon and I started walking. About a block later, Jonathon and I realize that he and I are the only ones walking towards Joe's Pizza. We turn around and go back to the parking lot. Just before we get there, Jonathon says, "I bet they're all standing there in a big group, just waiting."

Sure enough, we stick our heads around the corner, and that was exactly what they were doing. After fully rounding the corner, the Indians saw us, and instantly started coming towards us. We turned back around, and started once again towards Joe's. Jonathon and I cracked up, comparing them to lemmings. All they needed was a tiny glimpse of us, and they were on their way.

Hmmmm...

I opened up this page to write a new entry, but have been staring at it with nothing to say. Oh well. Guess I'll go to bed. Buona notte!

Cuz we're the Young Ones

Anyone remember this show?

Jonathon and I used to watch it a lot. I believe one of my Christmas presents to Jonathon was a set of videos of the tv show.

I don't know what made me think about it. But it was funny.

Good story.

Blech

Random facts because I don't feel like studying:

-I'm now on the DVD section of my GMAT studying. The actors in it are really weird. It seems like they have been told to mess up from time to time, because it happens a lot. More than if they were just improv-ing, I believe.


-Meghann sent me this link and this one, which are both really funny. You should check them out.


-This weekend is Megan's wedding. I'm going to risk drinking while on my medicine. (Technically the doc said it was semi-safe.)


-Still no job.


-Oh, my god. A guy just walked into this coffee shop in a pair of overalls. They are only buckled on one side, leaving the other side hanging down. Also, he is wearing nothing underneath. Luckily, I'm not close enough to see if he's got underwear on. Ew.


That's all for now. Ciao!

I don't care what you think

Tonight I went to dinner and a movie with Bucho. At dinner, while alone at the table, the waitress came up and asked if we were done. I said yes because we were catching a movie. She asked which movie and I told her. (Ocean's 13, for those of you curious.) Anyway, she said that she hadn't seen it yet, but that she wanted to. Then she asked if I'd seen Knocked Up yet. I said yes, and she said, "Oh good. I thought it was great." She then walked away to get the check. While she was gone, the guy sitting nearby (who had obviously overheard our conversation) asked, "You're going to see Ocean's 13?" I responded yes, confirming what he already knew. Then he proceeded to give me his opinion on the movie: "Ah. Well, I thought it was alright. It started off kind of slow, but the ending made up for it." To keep him from spoiling it for me I said, "Don't ruin it!" And he said, "Oh, I won't. Just wanted you to know it was alright but not as action packed as the one before it." Me: "Oh. Okay." What I was thinking: I don't care what you think. Don't give me your opinion. Whether or not you liked the movie is not going to change my decision to see/not see it. But thanks anyway for your unwanted advice.

Stupid people

I have to vent about this stupid woman I saw yesterday. I was going into a bookstore that has one set of double doors, a vestibule, and then another set of double doors. After having already entered the first set of doors, I was about to enter the second set of doors on the right side, like we do in America. As I was opening the door, I saw a woman on the inside of the store, waiting to come out the door I was entering. There were several people behind me, and no one behind her. I watched her waiting patiently, as I walk through the door. I kept watching her (seriously as soon as I entered, I stepped to the side, and watched her with a dumbfounded look on my face), asking myself why in the hell she wouldn't use the door to her right instead of waiting for the door on her left, that many people were using to enter the store. She kept waiting and waiting. Finally, another person who wanted to leave the store stepped around her, also looking at her with confusion, opened the door to the right, and walked out while she still waited. I don't get it.

Withdrawal

I'm having withdrawal... from Jack Bauer. I don't know what to do. And watching the previous seasons only helps so much. Every time I look at an elliptical, I think of Jack. Every time I think about who's going to save me in case sentox is released in a store/ restaurant I'm in, I think of Jack. Until next season, this picture will have to hold me over:


(and yes, I just spent about 2 hours figuring out photoshop)

Bikers and reggae?

Tonight my friend Lauren and I went to see The Sex Police play at a place in south OP called Fuel. This place is obviously a biker bar when they are not having a reggae band play on their outdoor stage. Needless to say, it was an interesting crowd. The waitresses were scantily clad and looked underage. The bikers were all wearing leather. There were people who had just come to eat, and then ended up getting a live concert. There were a handful of people who appeared to be there on purpose. And then there were the weirdos.

I think my favorite part of the night was when the guitarist said, "The next song is a sad one: all you emo kids pull up the hoods of your sweatshirts and be sad." Then he proceeded to mime doing so and made a really funny "I'm vulnerable" face. That's the best I can describe it. It was really funny.

By the way, today I saved my second box turtle of the summer from the middle of the road. (This is a fairly regular occurrence during the summer since we live near some woods.) The first one I saved was a few weeks ago. He (or she) was not on a very busy road, but I figured he should still be moved to a safe spot on the grass. This one, though, was on a very busy street near my house. I pulled up to the stop sign, made a stop and looked at what I originally thought was a rock or some debris in the road. The reason I didn't think it was a turtle right away is because it was tiny! Seriously, his shell was probably 2 inches in diameter. Anyway, I stopped and stared for a second (from my car) trying to figure out what it was, then I realized it was a teeny, tiny turtle! I jumped out of my car, picked him up (hoping he hadn't already been run over) and put him in my car. I decided the best thing for him would be to bring him down near our house, and put him in the clearing by the woods. At this point, I still wasn't sure if he had been injured or not, so I tried looking in his shell. I could see his little eyes and his head and feet tucked far in, so I assumed he was just scared. Anyway, I put him down and watched him for awhile, with no movement. I decided to leave, and continue my day. When I came back from being gone for several hours, I went to the spot where I'd left him to see if he was still there, hoping he wasn't. If he was I figured that would mean he had been run over and was dead. Well, when I went to the spot, he was gone! Yea for the turtle! (If anyone ruins this for me and says, "it was probably eaten by a hawk" or something, I will be very sad, so please don't. (Do hawks even eat turtles?))

High schoolers

I've been going to several coffee shops recently to do my studying for the GMAT. One of them is located in Lenexa, and is infested with high school students. It is so bizarre listening to their conversations. And seeing how they dress. Maybe it's just been a long time since I've been in high school, but it seems like there aren't any clicks anymore. It seems to me that there is just one big group now. Every single person ranging from 14-18 dresses the exact same. The guys wear tight jeans, with tight tee shirts. And they all have long hair that is combed perfectly to cover their eyes. I even heard one of the little fellows ask his friend, "Dude, where'd you get your jeans? I am going to take them from you." Seriously. And they aren't gay. I can't even come close to imagining my guy friends in high school saying something like that.

The girls all dress like they're trying to look either worse than the others, or just more out-there. I think the guys may actually be trying harder than the girls. I think everyone buys everything they wear on their top haves at thrift stores. (I really don't have any problem with a little thrift-store-shopping, but for every shirt you own? Come on.) And the jeans they wear on their bottom haves are probably $150 a pair. Very interesting. Don't get me started on the girl's hairstyles. It's as if they purposely miss chunks of their hair when cutting it. It looks odd, and I don't like it. But, I'm not the one who chooses to have it, and I'm sure they don't care about my opinion. Anyway, I'm rambling, and I'm sure you all understand what I'm talking about. I feel old.